I am one week into FUNemployment.
And it’s awesome. Truly. I wake up excited (and well rested, getting up at 7:15!) every day and get promptly to work. And I work all day, doing work I really like with people I really like. I’m on the right path. I have no doubts that leaving the corporate sphere for the freelance arts world was the way to go. And to think that a month ago the idea that I could be doing this seemed impossible….I can’t even describe it. Follow your dreams, kids. There’s no cool detached hipster way to say it, so sorry if I’m lame. But seriously–go after what you want and believe you are worthy of it.
But I’m really, really busy. Like….really busy.
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I don’t have a full-time job anymore! How am I MORE busy than I was with a job? I don’t get how it all works out space/time continuum-wise, but somehow I have less time than ever before. I’m running hither-and-yon and doing this-and-that and then passing out exhausted.
And things are slipping through the cracks. My things.
I thought that when I went freelance I’d have all this time for writing. With the exception of R&R, I haven’t written at all. I even have some opportunities ready and waiting for me to embrace that I haven’t reached out to. And I want to. One of the key reasons I wanted to leave the day job behind was to have more time to write. And now I have more time, but somehow it’s less time, and I know it makes no sense but what it boils down to is that my writing isn’t getting any. Time. My writing isn’t getting any time.
I’m cutting myself a whole bunch of slack, though. I’m only a week into this deal, and I still have my feelers out as to how it’s all gonna work. Right now I’m probably over-loading on work because I haven’t found the right balance yet. I think that if I keep reminding myself that I need to actively seek balance and maybe do a little trial-and-error that I’ll get there. I mean…right? Mindfulness and all?
There is always time for funny-faced selfies with Figaro. Because PRIORITIES.
And it’s not that I’ve taken ZERO advantage of my new flexibility. Later this week I have a daytime lunch scheduled with a friend. I went to Zumba yesterday (and had 11 emails when I got out, but we’ll let that go for a minute). There was even one day when I indulged in a nap. For a whole 35 minutes. It. Was. Awesome. And best of all, I’m back to The Artist’s Way.
I guess what I’m coming to is the realization of how stingy I am with time, and how even as a freelancer I prioritize my own work below everything else that I do. I’m trying not to judge, just to acknowledge. This is just something that is true of ME, and my employment status has nothing to do with it. Hell, even when I was unemployed I was busy all the time. I just need to learn how to have downtime. And I need to learn how to do this without neglecting the (paying!) work that I feel so fortunate to have. Balancing stuff out is no joke.
But you know what? It’s all ok. I don’ t have to get it right first thing out of the gate. And while it might take a Nancy Drew, or maybe a Doc Brown, to solve the Mystery of Saraphina’s Missing Daylight Hours, I’m sure that I’ll find a way to work, be productive, make money AND dream and write and play. And see all the friends I’ve been neglecting (I’m sorry, guys! I miss you!).
It’s a beautiful evening. I’m going for a walk.
